Occasionally, a few members of our mailing list are so overwhelmed
that they feel the need to unsubscribe to catch their breath.
However, these rugged individualists eschew the automated process
provided in each e-mail and prefer the "do-it-yourself" route. As a
public service we provide these manual instructions which were
pillaged from elsewhere and sanitized for your protection:
TO UNSUBSCRIBE FOLLOW THESE SIMPLE DIRECTIONS..........
To unsubscribe from this service you must first purchase a Craft-O-
Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit.
The unit can be obtained from most hardware stores and dental
clinics. Be sure to obtain the proper permits to operate the unit
from the Nuclear Regulatory Commission and the Food and Drug
Administration in Washington D.C. USA.
Be sure to carefully unpack the kit and place each component in its
accompanying mesh safety bag. Mount the Pershing DF4 mesinator on top
of the perforated Gerring Mach 77 refibulator and attach them using
the eight-millimeter torque fork. Be sure that the refibulator is
mounted at a 66 degree angle and properly dispersed so that it is
flush with the curved section of the Pyrex thistle tube. Place the
four sections of the triangular separation gear into the posture
cylinder and lock them into place using the band aid adhesive strip.
Insert the wiggling pin into the wobbling hole, making sure that it
seated correctly. Place the D cell battery and the eleven 9volt
batteries in the power chamber.
The device should be calibrated before operation using the optional
digital corkscrew accessory pack prior to operation. Insert the
digital corkscrew through the electronic combustion service chamber
using caution not to touch the reinforced tungsten igniter control
module and quickly turn the inverter drive to 28.6 degrees.
Turn the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit
upside down and hit the bottom plate with a 48-ounce ball-peen hammer
while shaking the unit vigorously. Force open the door to the
incineration valve compartment and set the pressure gauge to 719 psi.
Close the door and seal it shut with duct tape.
The unit should now be properly calibrated and ready to use. Before
activating the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation
Unit, you must first elevate it to a height of 229 feet above sea
level to insure that the unit receives the proper oxygen level and
barometric pressure. Point the aerial to 17 degrees north by
northeast to within the parameters of the Telstar GS-2 weather
satellite and apply pressure to the wing shaft on the southern most
section of the modular accelerator. Using the special ratchet adapter
supplied with the unit, rotate the heater core to the "on" position.
The "on" position has been obtained when the green light begins to
flash, signifying that the red light is about to go off. Once the red
light is off, flip the toggle switch labeled "ON/OFF" to the "ON"
position and count to 47 before logging on to the system.
Logon using your username and password and wait for the prompt. Once
prompted you must check the box with the appropriate action you wish
to take and then press the pressure release button and turn off the
compressor while turning the hand crank at 231 meters per minute.
Next, press control, alt, delete, caps lock, shift, number lock,
escape and tab simultaneously.
Press enter.
You will have one second to complete the procedure. If you fail to
respond in the time limit allowed, simply purchase a new Craft-O-
Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit and start from the
beginning. Please remember that this is the only way we will accept
for you to unsubscribe from this service. We have made every attempt
to simplify the procedure for your convenience. Failure to comply
with the unsubscribe policy will result in immediate termination of
your subscription to everything - including magazines, newspapers
and library card. So please follow the above directions.
Or, you could just follow the automatic unsubscribe instructions at
the bottom of this e-mail.
--To unsubscribe from the SLUG mailing list, send a message to majordomo@nks.net with the single word "unsubscribe slug" (and, optionally "unsubscribe slug-announce" or any other NKS mailing lists you are on) in the body of the message. If you have questions as to the use of majordomo for managing your subscriptions, you may also send a message with the single word "help" to the same address.
-- - Ian C. Blenke <icblenke@nks.net>
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